You're far better off.

From what you say you're doing far better than I am. I used to try to set goals, and they were modest enough. Events of 15 years ago killed all my hopes of achieving even modest success. I've tried again to set goals, and one by one they fail. Whereas 20 years ago I KNEW I could do whatever I set my mind to, know I know, with equal certainty, that anything I want will fail. So now I've set a goal that has much better chance of success than the previous ones; I'm 58 and my goal is never to reach 60. I will NOT grow old alone, but since I seem destined to BE alone, the only alternative is to NOT GROW OLD. It only remains to find the means to achieve my goal. A first step is to refuse to ever again get close to anyone. If you hate everyone, then no one can hurt you. If you love someone, they can destroy you. It's too big a risk to take. Tangie